Up to speed

First of all, I find it amazing that after more than a year of not posting anything I can come back to this and find that it still exists and everything is exactly the way I left it. Not a strange concept as far as the internet is concerned, but not at all the way real life works.

Since last writing: I graduated from college in December 2009. In May of 2010, after interviewing with only one school district, I received my first offer to be an elementary school teacher (which I gladly accepted). Then in December of 2010, on top of teaching, I took on the role of varsity girls soccer coach at my old high school. Also during that year I vacationed in Arizona, took another three-week long vacation to San Diego, LA, and Las Vegas, visited my brother in Connecticut a few times, watched him marry the love of his life, and wished I were able to help him move to North Carolina. And those are just the highlights. It was an incredibly full year.

My compulsion to write again is a result of the multitude of other compulsions I have been experiencing lately, and my desire to figure out where on earth they are coming from! At this very moment, I would love to get married, have a child, buy a house, and maybe breed my dog so I can have a new puppy. I also want to travel to 100 different places, write a book, and pick up a new hobby working with stained glass.

What am I thinking?!

This exact time last year I had zero motivation. It was a struggle to get out of bed each day. Now, I struggle to keep myself from biting off more than I can chew. Why?????? Where do these desires, this energy and motivation come from?

I could come up with a few different answers, but regardless of what the answer is, it doesn't change my situation.

Often times I feel like I do have two personalities, though not in the clinically psychotic kind of way. I experience the world with one brain, then with what seems to be an entirely different brain I can relive those experiences and analyze every bit of it. In doing that, I amaze and confuse myself. Why, in my first year of teaching and my first season as a coach, would I even consider adding anything else to my plate? In a different train of thought: why would I want to rush through my life to every major milestone? At the age of 23 I'm already a college graduate who is employed full time in a mostly ideal job and is essentially financially stable. I already have what millions of people would kill to.

So why am I not satisfied?

Conversely, why am I upset about not being satisfied? Shouldn't I be happy about this ambition?

These are the questions. Possible answers to come later.